The Lasting Influence of Parental Touch
BWS - 05
The power of human touch is profound and gentle, a language spoken before words ever form. It is the first of the senses to awaken within us, long before we take our first breath, and its pathways are woven throughout our entire being. Touch, soft and reassuring, is the first way babies learn to understand the world around them. From the very beginning, we are born with a deep need for human connection, and we feel genuinely known through the warmth of physical closeness. For a child, nothing conveys love more clearly than the tender touch of Mom and Dad.
Why does touch matter so much? Through a parent's gentle touch, a child learns the true meaning of comfort, love, and security. It shapes their understanding of these emotions, turning them from abstract ideas into something tangible and felt. We know how essential touch is in those early days, where its absence can leave a child struggling to thrive. But beyond infancy, the loving touch of a parent continues to hold immense value. It nurtures the developing child, offering them a sense of belonging and emotional safety. For both mothers and fathers, this touch becomes a powerful message of love that shapes their child’s heart and soul.
Touch And Development
Love, as the song says, is a many-splendored thing. However, for children, the true understanding of love and affection comes not just from fleeting moments but from their parents' consistent, gentle touch. If that touch is only felt during brief comings and goings, how can a child truly grow in the knowledge of love's tenderness?
Children who are nurtured with warmth and physical closeness carry a precious advantage. They often grow to be healthier, more affectionate, and more trusting. Their hearts become attuned to the connections around them, helping them make wiser choices, manage stress, sleep peacefully, and navigate the world more easily.
While parenting cannot be reduced to simply giving hugs, the absence of consistent physical contact in those early years can leave its mark. Research shows that when children do not receive enough appropriate touch, they miss out on forming critical neural connections vital to their development.
Without this essential bond, children may face challenges such as disruptive behaviors, difficulties in impulse control, and an inability to connect deeply with others. They might struggle to understand their feelings, find it hard to empathize, and have trouble cooperating or trusting those around them. Emotionally, they may feel adrift, unable to express themselves fully, leaving them more vulnerable to sadness and depression.
Through touch, children feel loved and learn how to give and receive love in return, shaping their emotional worlds in ways that words alone cannot.
Touch and Emotions
Human emotions can often be gently divided into two simple categories: those that focus on the self and those that reach outward toward others. Self-focused emotions, like shame, envy, pride, anger, fear, and distrust, are feelings we all experience at times. On the other hand, the emotions that connect us to others, such as sympathy, empathy, gratitude, kindness, and generosity, are the virtues, the tender qualities that make relationships bloom.
These virtues don’t always come naturally because they require us to step outside ourselves and consider the needs of others. That’s why nurturing these pro-social emotions in children can be a delicate process and why touch plays a vital role in helping these feelings grow. Before a child can fully understand the meaning of love, acceptance, or admiration, they first feel these emotions through the warmth of a parent’s touch. A soft hand on their back, a hug, or a simple pat carries emotional messages that words alone cannot.
Touch doesn’t just foster these positive emotions, it helps define them in a child’s heart. The loving touch of a mother or father becomes a channel through which emotional understanding flows. Over time, these touches leave a lasting impression, filling a child’s inner world with emotional value. The more often a child feels compassion or care through physical closeness, the more naturally they begin to express those feelings toward others.
For example, when parents frequently show their affection, gratitude, or approval through touch, their children are more likely to grow with a more profound sense of empathy and kindness, qualities that are so essential for building strong, healthy relationships. A mother’s gentle embrace and a father’s reassuring hand on the shoulder can reinforce the emotional signals shared between them, making them stronger and more lasting.
In the end, touch is like nourishment for the emotions. Without it, a child may feel empty or emotionally vulnerable, like something is missing from their world. In these times, when the world can feel overwhelming, it is more important than ever to fill a child’s heart with the warmth of touch, ensuring they feel secure, loved, and understood.
Touch and Tenderness
We know now that touch is the silent stream through which emotions flow, subtle, unseen, but always there, carving its path. Once these gentle impressions take root, they carry a deep emotional weight, becoming a part of us. The more we receive these loving touches, the more they imprint themselves, shaping our hearts. This is especially true when we speak of tenderness.
Tenderness is something children absorb rather than learn in the traditional sense. Even before they can read or understand complex words, they know what tenderness feels like by watching how their parents care for one another. It’s in the softness of a mother’s voice when she speaks to their father, in the warmth of a father’s smile when he reaches for their mother’s hand. It is seen and felt in the quiet moments, a gentle kiss, a light touch on the shoulder, a warm embrace that shows love without words.
When a daughter watches her father show tenderness to her mother, she quietly begins to understand the kind of love she deserves, the type of man she will one day seek. And when a son observes his father’s gentle actions, he learns how to give love, how to be tender with his siblings, friends, future spouse, and children. These moments of tenderness lay the foundation for all future relationships, teaching them to love with kindness and care.
Tenderness, in its quiet persistence, has the power to transform. It nourishes love and wraps it in a kind of security that only comes from the giving of oneself. It is a gift, one that costs nothing but means everything. And years later, when those children have grown and chosen partners of their own, they will look back on those moments, on the tenderness passed between their parents, and say, "Thank you." Because of that tenderness, they will find the key to their happiness, their way of loving deeply, entirely, and without fear.
Touch Validates
Why is touch so important? Because it gently completes the circle of love and connection. Touch brings the other senses to life, adding depth and meaning to what we see, hear, or say. In a family, touch opens the heart, creating a bond without barriers and a space where love is freely given and felt. It carries an intimacy that words or glances alone can’t convey, weaving together the threads of closeness and trust.
This intimacy isn’t just physical; it’s emotional, a closeness that blooms between parents and children. While words of affirmation are precious, they need the warmth of touch to resonate in a child’s heart fully. A kind word or a loving look can carry emotional weight, but these moments might feel incomplete without the gentle reinforcement of a hug, a hand on the shoulder, or a soft pat on the back. Touch is what turns those words into lasting memories of love.
Think of it like this: when a parent touches their child affectionately, they validate every other message they’ve shared. A simple “I love you” becomes richer when paired with a warm embrace. Encouragement is felt more intensely when a father’s hand rests gently on his child’s shoulder. It’s not that every kind word must be accompanied by touch. Still, when physical affection is a natural part of the parent-child relationship, it strengthens every expression of love and care.
A special reminder for Dads, your touch matters more than you might realize. When you hold your children and offer them those tiny, tender moments of closeness, you’re reinforcing all the love and support you give throughout the day. Without touch, the foundation of emotional intimacy can feel incomplete, leaving a gap where the connection should be.
Children experience life through their senses, and touch brings those experiences into sharp focus. Through your embrace, they begin to understand the world around them, learning what it means to feel safe, loved, and secure. Every time you hold them close, you create memories, of joy, comfort, and warmth, that they will carry with them, tucked away in their hearts. The more you reach out with love, the more cherished these moments will become, treasured long after they’ve grown.
The Practical Side of Touch
Life, busy and full, pulls us in a hundred directions, and yet, it is in the quiet moments of touch that love registers most deeply. It is in the morning hug, the goodnight kiss, the playful wrestle in the living room. It is the touch that lingers, that etches itself into memory, becoming a treasure carried long after the moment.
So how can you keep that closeness alive, even when life gets busy? Well, it starts with the way you show love to each other. Let your children see you hold hands, share a warm embrace, or give that first kiss in the evening when one of you comes home. That simple moment, that one kiss, tells your children all they need to know, that Mom and Dad are doing just fine and that love is alive in their home. They don’t just see it; they feel it, and with that feeling comes security.
Taking advantage of the first opportunity in the morning is an excellent place to begin for your children. It does not matter if cuddles and hugs occur in your room, their room, or any room where you start your day. Even if it is only a few short moments, touch has a cumulative value on your children’s developing sense of acceptance and security. When the family re-gathers in the evening, after Dad and Mom have their first kiss, it is time for everyone to receive hugs and kisses. When practiced routinely, it will become a habit of the heart, not to mention treasured ones as well.
Children also love activities that involve a playful, healthy touch. Wrestling with Dad is often a favorite, and even if it’s not quite a “Mom thing,” just being there, watching with a smile, adds to their love. And don’t forget the soothing power of touch as part of a bedtime routine, a gentle neck or back rub can help your children wind down, sending them to sleep wrapped in positive feelings and comforting memories. The sweetest surprise comes when, as they grow, you find yourself on the receiving end of those same tender gestures.
Remember this as you move through your days: physical touch is essential for building an emotional bond with your children. They will thrive on it, and so will you. These moments of closeness, small and simple, will become treasures in their hearts, lasting long after childhood has passed.