Personhood - The Three Great Influences
Nature whispers its wisdom to those who listen. Observe the gardener tending to his cherished plants. He does not conjure the bloom, nor shape the petal, nor command the stem to rise. The miracle of life resides within the plant itself, a divine spark beyond his creation. Yet the gardener, with hands gentle and knowing, comprehends the language of the earth. He feels the sunlight’s caress and the rain’s tender gift. He knows when to prune and when to nourish. He is neither the source nor the origin but the devoted steward of the life entrusted to him.
So too is the parent. Imagine your child’s life unfolding, a bloom full of promise and potential. You are the keeper of that bloom, the protector of its delicate beauty. In your voice and your touch lies a power that no other influence can match. You are more than a nurturer, you are the guardian, the safe haven, the guiding light.
And as you stand in this sacred role, you begin to see the work laid before you, not as a chore, but as a calling. A calling to mentor with love, to guide with care, to shape the life unfolding before your eyes.
Your child, in these early days, lives only in the present. Tomorrow is a shadow unseen, and patience is a lesson yet to be learned. His world is a symphony of needs and desires. He spills the milk and wails for more, not out of mischief but thirst. He is rooted in the here and now, as all beginnings must be.
As he takes his first steps into toddlerhood, he will reach for the tangible rather than the abstract. Justice, mercy, truth, and kindness are beyond his grasp for now. Yet, he will come to understand them through the warmth of your embrace, the fairness of your discipline, and the gentleness of your care. His words, actions, and very essence will reflect the love he receives.
Understand this: adult life, although it seems so distant from these tender years, is constructed stone by stone on the foundation you are laying now. Every word spoken, every touch given, and every lesson taught shapes the person your child will become.
What does it take to nurture a child into a whole and complete person? Beyond the beautiful spark of the divine, certain factors are beyond our control, such as the wonders of nature, the temperament we are born with, and the mysteries of our family heritage. However, there is also much that you can influence: the values you embrace, the education you provide, and the dreams you pursue. Together, these form the essential building blocks of a life well lived.
And then there is the dance of growth itself, the body stretching toward strength, the mind reaching for understanding, and the spirit seeking connection. As your child grows, so does his place in the world, his interactions with others, and his humanity.
As you prepare for what lies ahead, think about the intricate weave of heredity, environment, and nurture. Each thread plays a role, and every strand contributes to the tapestry of personality. Ultimately, it is your love, unwavering and genuine, that holds it all together. Raise your child with purpose and courage. For in your care lies not just a child, but the hope of tomorrow, a flower poised to unfold.
Your Baby’s Life is Controlled by HEP
Little Joey swings a stick, and suddenly, he is destined for College All-Stars 20 years down the line. Abby wraps a silk scarf around her neck, and she is set to follow in her mom's footsteps as a fashion designer. Far-fetched? Not really. We are all shaped by the influences of heredity, environment, and personality. Nineteenth-century Dartmouth College professor H. H. Horne, in his book Idealism in Education, connects these relationships in straightforward terms:
1. Heredity bestows capacity
2. Environment provides opportunity
3. Personality recognizes capacity and improves opportunity
Each of these forces works together to shape us. Professor Horne is credited with saying, “A child is born in part, he is made in part, and in part he makes himself.” We believe this is an accurate assessment of life. It has been stated that heredity determines what a child can achieve, while environment influences what a child will accomplish. The caretakers of life, Mom and Dad, oversee all three aspects.
Heredity
After conception, nothing can be added or subtracted from our hereditary endowment. If Grandpa’s left ear turns out along the back edge, just like your mother’s left ear, which resembles your own, guess what? Don’t be surprised if one or more of your own beautiful blooms has the telltale “Grandpa ear.” Other traits, while not visible to the eye, are distributed with equal clarity. Is there a trait in your toddler that you don’t like? Take a look at the family photos hanging in the hallway. Do you see the relative who is smirking? He’s probably the one to blame.
A child inherits one-half of his genetic self from his two parents, one-fourth of his characteristics from the four grandparents, and one-eighth of his biological distinctiveness from eight great-grandparents. Heredity passes to each generation two categories of traits, fixed and fluid. Fixed genetic traits are immune to nurturing influences. Fluid tendencies, however, are greatly impacted by the nurturing process.
For example, outward distinctions such as red hair, green eyes, short arms, big ears, cute nose, and dimpled chins are fixed endowments. They are what they are, straight from the genetic cabbage patch. Have you ever wondered where that nose came from? Nothing in genetic sight among the parents? “Your baby got that from Uncle Fabio on your mother’s side,” says Aunt Regina. A hidden surprise from the family tree.
Heredity also passes on fluid endowments, which are propensities, tendencies, and capacities. Intelligence potential, aptitudes, and special levels of giftedness are all fluid, meaning this side of the hereditary equation is markedly influenced by the nurturing environment. That is why heredity determines what a child can do, and the environment determines what a child will do.
We have friends endowed with the gift and talent for music. Mom and Dad each play a combination of instruments, including the harp, piano, trumpet, guitar, flute, trombone, French horn, and oboe. What did their children inherit? It wasn’t their parents’ knowledge of music, but their ear, aptitude, capacity, and interest in music. Natural tendencies fostered in the right environment produced, in this case, multi-talented musical children. However, the genetic endowment was nurtured. Without a nurturing environment, the beautiful seeds of endowment, like frozen pods in the tundra, remain dormant until the conditions are suitable for blooming. Unfortunately, human environments are less predictable than seasonal ones.
What does this mean for you and your baby? To stimulate genetic potentials and maximize them, the nurturing environment requires three key things from Mom and Dad.
First, you need awareness. In the Ezzo family line, Gary’s father was a talented musician, playing several stringed instruments and the piano with enthusiasm. Of the three sons, only one inherited their father’s musical talent, and it wasn’t Gary. When Gary and his wife, Anne Marie, were raising their children in the next generation, they recognized the possibility of some musical talent. However, possibility does not guarantee certainty, and it soon became clear that their children did not inherit any significant musical talent.
The point here is that of awareness. The Ezzos knew of a genetic propensity for musical ability. Because of it, they created a nurturing environment to determine if any gene slipped through the family line, and then responded to the opportunity by introducing formalized music lessons in their children’s primary years.
What exists in your family tree? Go back two generations to your parents and grandparents and create a list of potential endowments. Speak with relatives, great-aunts, uncles, and older cousins. Was Grandpa particularly inventive? Was Mom a quilt artisan? Was there an uncle who excelled in mathematics, or a sister blessed with an extensive vocabulary and a creative mind?
Identify the genetic traits of your recent family lineage. You may find a squirrel in your family tree, which would explain Billy’s habit of hoarding every scrap of paper, every piece of ribbon, and every pebble he has ever touched.
Second, you can unlock your baby’s genetic potential by parenting the “whole child” rather than focusing solely on a single trait. Hurray for you if your child is a budding Rembrandt, Mozart, Galileo, or Edison; but can he entertain himself when playing alone? Can he get along with other children? Can your little star kick a ball and spend gentle, quality time with his baby sister? Don’t make the same mistake as Schroeder’s mom did. Schroeder is the Peanuts character who spent his entire cartoon life hunched over a piano composing music.
While any unfavorable parental attitude can lead to unhealthy outcomes, the most damaging and far-reaching of these is the concept of the "dream child." Parents create an ideal based on genetics and force their child into a very narrow category of interests. Consequently, the emotional pressure to achieve "dream-child" status, combined with the absence of normal childhood experiences, hinders genetic potential, if it doesn't injure it.
Third, no remarkable gift of hereditary endowment can be realized without the fundamental disciplines of life. Writing the latest, greatest American novel will remain impossible if your aspiring author never develops the focus necessary for reading. Piano practice turns into a struggle if your child never learns to sit and concentrate. Yes, that playpen issue comes up again. Sitting, focusing, concentrating.
The basic point here is this: A child cannot learn until he is ready, nor can he achieve until his biological clock indicates it is time. He cannot master any skill without the essential resources of self-control and self-governance. This means that regardless of the giftedness or talent your child possesses, or the wonderful genetic endowment he may have inherited, it needs to be nurtured in the complete context of childhood and childhood training. If it is not, that giftedness, while possibly discovered, will eventually plateau in learning and show little improvement from that point onward. Remember the gardener analogy? Good seeds planted in poor soil will result in stunted plants. So it is with our children. This leads to some reflections on the learning environment in which your baby is growing.
Environment
Children are shaped by both heredity and environment. In terms of the environment, the home plays a dominant role. Parents create the setting during the most impressionable years of a child’s life. The challenge, and perhaps the downfall, of laissez-faire parenting lies in not recognizing how education shapes the heart's habits and connects genetic tendencies with appropriate stimulation. The positive aspects of heredity do not always meet a healthy and nurturing environment. When a child with potential is deprived of the right surroundings, the outcome is often a partial realization of their potential or, in more severe cases, a generational disaster. What should parents take from this reality? One essential idea: The beliefs that guide your parenting can significantly influence generations to come. This serves as a reminder to start as you intend to proceed.
Personality
Energetic Noah does everything big. He marches into a room, all smiles, and gives Grandma a great big hug. Hopping to the center of the room, he delights his eager audience with an impromptu performance. Finally, in a grand finale, he drops to the floor and rolls himself out the door. When Mom calls him to sit beside her, he cries, and staying true to the end, his distress and resistance are immense. Is his high-flying, crash-and-burn style a sign of a testy temperament, or have we now entered the personality zone? What is the difference anyway?
Let’s take a look. Few words used in contemporary child development theory are as ambiguous as the term “personality.” This term suggests a variety of meanings to different theorists. We’ve all heard the expression, “He’s a chip off the old block,” implying that personality is inherited and unchangeable. However, this is not true in either case.
For clarity, we will provide a basic definition. Personality is a combination of three factors: heredity, environment, and temperament. Temperament, which is inherent to human personality, refers to the general aspects of uniqueness that significantly influence a child’s perceptions and reactions. You can differentiate between a child’s temperament and personality by understanding that temperament traits are innate, whereas personality traits arise from both nature and nurture. Heredity encompasses the genetic background's contribution to personality, while the environment includes contributions from home and society, and temperament represents the child’s unique input.
If that sounds confusing, take comfort in this bit of news: your child’s personality is the least of your worries. This is because personality is the sum of all influences that shape our being. It is not a definite, specific attribute; rather, it reflects the quality of an individual’s total behavior. You cannot change the whole without changing the parts, and some parts are immutable.
For example, you can’t change your child’s temperament any more than a leopard can change its spots. You can understand it and work with it, but you cannot alter it. While you can’t change the hereditary influences on your children, you can minimize negative tendencies, strengthen weaknesses, encourage strengths, and enhance gifted areas.
The only area you have enormous influence over in terms of personality formation is creating the right educational environment for your baby. Education impacts personality, and the learning environment you foster will make all the difference in the world for your baby and soon-to-be toddler.
When we talk about education, we do so in the broadest sense. This extends far beyond textbook learning. Learning and schooling are not the same, but both serve as vehicles of education. Much of your parenting will focus on educating your children in three crucial areas of life until they achieve mastery themselves: morality, health and safety, and life skills.
Your educational fervor greatly shapes your child’s personality. For example, in the toddler years, you will begin teaching your child how to be kind, good, caring, patient, generous, and responsible. You will also help him form healthy habits, how to brush his teeth, take a bath, and manage his personal care. In the process, you are building a learning profile that, over time, will help your child how to think, make sound judgments, and apply logic and reason to his life.
The next major phase of your baby’s development expands on all learning factors that place you, mom, and dad, in the driver’s seat. The good news is how far you have come already. Before you know it, the babyhood transition phase will soon be a thing of the past, but the foundations you laid with feeding, waketime activities, and healthy sleep habits will travel with your baby into the next major milestone of life: the walking, talking, exploring mobile toddler. Happy parenting.